Safe and Fun One Night Stands: How to Navigate Casual Encounters Without Regret

So let me get this straight-you’re telling me the real moral crisis of modern dating isn’t capitalism, loneliness, or the collapse of community, but whether someone used a condom or said ‘no strings’ out loud? Brilliant. Absolute brilliance. We’ve reduced human connection to a checklist: consent form signed, STI report attached, lube type verified, and emotional detachment protocol initiated. Next, we’ll have a 12-step program for post-hookup oxytocin detox. ‘Step 7: Do not cry into your cold shower. Step 8: Remember, you chose this. Step 9: Blame the algorithm, not your heart.’ We’re not navigating casual encounters. We’re running a corporate compliance seminar with orgasms.

And yet-somehow-it works. Because beneath all the protocols, the real truth is we’re all just terrified of being alone. So we dress it up in bullet points and clinical language. ‘I’m not lonely, I’m intentional.’ ‘I’m not scared, I’m boundary-conscious.’ You’re not a CEO of casual sex. You’re a human being trying not to scream into the void. And that’s okay. Even if your lube is water-based.

Also, ‘Feeld’? That’s the app where people say ‘I’m a polyamorous dragon who collects teacups and only dates people who can recite Rumi in Klingon.’ I’m not judging. I’m just saying your ‘casual only’ profile might as well be a haiku written in invisible ink.

But hey. At least you’re not pretending it’s love. That’s something, right?

I appreciate how this breaks things down without judgment. I’ve had hookups that left me feeling empowered and others that left me hollow-and the difference was always in the prep. Talking before things get hot? Game changer. I used to think asking about STIs was awkward, but now I see it as a form of care. Same with saying ‘I’m not looking for more’-it’s not cold, it’s kind. You’re giving someone the gift of clarity.

Also, real talk: I met my last hookup at a book club. We were arguing about whether The Great Gatsby is tragic or just deeply American. Three hours later, we were at his place. No apps. No swiping. Just two people who liked the same kind of sadness in literature. Sometimes the best connections happen when you’re not trying to find one.

And yes, condoms in the bag. Always. I keep one in my wallet, one in my coat, and one in my yoga mat. Just in case. Better safe than sorry-and way less embarrassing than fumbling in the dark.

OMG I’m literally crying 😭 this is the most *authentic* take on casual sex I’ve ever read. Like, finally someone who gets it. I’ve been doing this since I was 21 and living in Berlin, and let me tell you-*no one* talks about the emotional architecture of a one-night stand like this. It’s not just sex, it’s *performance art*. You’re curating a moment. Aesthetic. Intentional. Minimalist. Like a Modigliani nude-raw, but framed with precision.

Also, Feeld is *so* 2022. I’m on Trippr now. It’s like Tinder but with vibes. And yes, I *do* ask for recent test results. Like, I’ll wait for you to screenshot your lab results. If you can’t do that? You’re not ready for my energy. 💅

And cold showers? Darling, I take ice baths. After. Always. It’s the only way to reset your chakras after oxytocin overload. 🧊✨

I had one last month. He said he wanted casual. Then he sent me a voice note at 3am singing a song from our favorite movie. I never replied. I deleted his number. I didn’t cry. I just stared at the ceiling and thought about how stupid we are for thinking we can control this.

Condoms? Yeah. Tested? Yeah. Said no strings? Yeah.

Still felt like shit.

Not because he did anything wrong.

Because I did.

And I’ll do it again.

Let’s reframe this entirely-not as a guide to casual sex, but as a manifesto on radical self-honesty in a world that rewards performance over presence.

What this post reveals isn’t just about hookups. It’s about how modern humans have learned to survive emotional vulnerability by turning intimacy into a protocol. We don’t say ‘I want you’ anymore. We say ‘I’m looking for something casual.’ We don’t say ‘I’m scared.’ We say ‘I need boundaries.’ We don’t say ‘I miss connection.’ We say ‘I use water-based lube.’

This isn’t about safety. It’s about dignity.

And the fact that you can walk into a clinic in Bristol and say ‘casual encounter screening’ and get tested without shame? That’s revolutionary. That’s the kind of infrastructure we need-not just for sex, but for being human.

And yes, the oxytocin hit? It’s biology. It’s not weakness. It’s not failure. It’s evolution. We’re wired to bond. But we’re also wired to choose. And choosing *after* feeling? That’s maturity.

So thank you. Not for the checklist. For the courage to name the silence after.

And for reminding us: even in the most casual of moments, we’re still asking, ‘Did you see me?’

And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is say ‘yes’-and then walk away.

Ok but like… why are we even pretending this is new? I’m from Johannesburg and we’ve been doing this since the 90s… people just didn’t write essays about it. You think the condom thing is a revelation? My auntie used to keep condoms in her bra. And the ‘no texts tomorrow’ rule? That’s just basic street smarts. We didn’t need a 2024 study to tell us that vague bios are red flags. We had our eyes open.

Also Feeld? Pfft. Too mainstream. I use Tinder but I only swipe on people who post pics with their pets. If they don’t have a dog or cat? Not even a chance. Pets = emotional stability. No pets = drama waiting to happen.

And if someone says ‘I’ve never done this before’? That’s not a red flag. That’s a yellow flag with a neon sign saying ‘I’m lying and also bad at lying’.

Also why are you all so serious? It’s sex. Not a TED Talk. Sometimes you just wanna get naked and laugh. And if you cry later? So what. We all do. But you don’t need a journal. You need a friend who’ll bring you pizza and not ask questions.

And if you’re still reading this? You’re probably the one who regrets it. Just say it.

xx